November 14, 2012:
Nearly a month later, I'm posting again.
The marathon was 4 days ago, but I have some explaining to do up until that point. So, why my absence from the blogosphere for a month? Did I stop running? Well, no. One reason is that I got pretty busy with school. But the other reason is that tapering doesn't bode well with me. Once my mileage started decreasing, I started getting depressed, it seemed. I was unsatisfied with myself. Honestly, I really lost perspective of this entire project. One day, though, I realized that I just casually ran 6 miles between classes. And that's what it was: casual. There was a time when 6 miles would have had me tired for an entire day. When I think back to my first 15 miler, and think how exhausted I was, I realize how freaking far I've come. It's CRAZY what my body can do now. Literally. Nuts.
So, what did I do? I RAN A FREAKING MARATHON. 26.2 miles! It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. And I honestly can't remember anything harder than it, so at this point it is probably the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Regardless of my training, 26.2 miles is 26.2 miles. It's difficult.
Richmond is an interesting place. I took a bus tour of the route on Friday, the day before the race. The city's dynamic is so diverse. One block you're in VCU, college hipster town, the next block you're in something resembling a rundown ghetto. Richmond definitely has character.
But you know one thing Richmond DOESN'T have? Hills. No hills, whatsoever. The Richmond Marathon is literally the flattest course, probably ever. My hips only started feeling normal today. The first hill we did have, I charged. I was so grateful for that incline, I wanted it all at once.
Alright, so the course is flat. What else happened? Well. This marathon did not go as planned, to be sure. I think a list is in order, here.
1. It was so neat to be around PEOPLE the entire way on the course. I always have a tendency to separate myself in races, but I didn't in this one, which was cool. There were about 6100 people running the marathon, so it's not terribly huge, but it's enough.
2. It was relatively warm. I think the high got close to 70 degrees and the sun was out. This didn't bother me because we started at 8am, there were shady parts along the way, and I get cold running for that long anyway.
3. I had an amazing support group. Total, I had 11 people come down and support me. It was terrific. I can't even thank them enough. It was so great to have all those people cheering for me.
4. There were problems. The one that has prevented me from writing for 4 days after my marathon, is that I wasn't able to get food at mile 8. The course was not very spectator-friendly, and my parents/boyfriend didn't get to mile 8. I knew I was in trouble when we started going into more isolated residential areas without many fans. Thankfully I had carried a Gu from the start since I wanted to take something in at mile 4, relatively early in the race. The next time I had food after mile 4 was at mile 13, and by that point I knew I had gotten too hungry. Eating was an issue because I felt nauseous. My pace was good, too--around a 9 minute pace, so I wasn't conserving any energy from miles 1 to 13, really. Without food at 8, things just really weren't looking good. I began falling apart around mile 18. I slowed down. Once I hit 20 I was hurting, a lot. You know, you hit 20 miles and you think, Holy shit, I just ran 20 miles, and then you hear someone say, "Can you run a 10k!?" MOTHERF@&*#ER. Sure I can run a 10k, but how often do I do it after running 20!? What was meant as inspirational and motivational, was actually the stupidest thing to say. (To me, at least.)
Around mile 22 I was in URGENT need of a bathroom, and they have bathrooms at every water stop, which by 22 is every mile. When I stop, though, I discover there is no toilet paper in either of the two porta-potties. Knowing I still had 4 miles (and who knows how long it would take), I really couldn't not have toilet paper. Then the rancid smell got to me and I threw up. Then I went outside and I threw up again. And again. The Gu and the Chomps I had eaten by that point were completely out of my system. Afterwards, I did feel better. Less nauseous, but of course I was weak and exhausted. From that point on I ran to mile markers. At each new mile I would walk through the water stops, drink my cup of water and cup of powerade and start running again. My pace, of course, was a crawl.
5. I finished in 4:20:16.
6. As a first marathon time, this is fine. Or at least I'm trying to convince myself. I couldn't help being disappointed because of the food fiasco and then the throwing up. This had never, ever happened in training, and I was just really angry I didn't anticipate it for the race. But how I could I? The first marathon seems to be a learning experience. When I registered for the marathon I put down an anticipated finish of 4:20, thinking this would be difficult. So I did get that goal. But I was really hoping for 4:00 or right around it, since that was the pace I'd trained at.
7. I still don't have a 26.2 sticker. This is not acceptable.
8. The medal and shirt are really cool.
9. OH YEAH, one of the BIGGEST stressors (and another reason why I dropped off the map for a month) is that I have a plantar wart on my foot and it was really painful. I was so nervous it was going to inhibit my running ability during the race. Well, guess what? I didn't even feel it. And, initially, when I realized that my foot wasn't holding me back, I was so hopeful that I would be able to run this marathon like I wanted to. Of course, I found out a few miles later that I wasn't getting food and I was getting hungry, and this was a huge problem.
10. I want to do another one. Marine Corps 2013? I'll be in France during registration, but you can bet I'll be at my computer trying to get in. My parents have done the MCM several times each. 30,000 runners. It seems even more insane than the Richmond Marathon. Also, I've caught the racing bug. I'm running the Star City Half Marathon this Saturday and then a Jingle Bell 5k in December.
Overall, having had time to reflect, I'm super proud of myself and all that. I decided to run a marathon, and I DID. I am strong, I am beautiful, I run kickass marathons. I am red. I got this.
I got my body to accustom itself to 10 milers and above. Anything below 10 is cake. What is that madness? That's crazy, absurdity, nonsense. It's just awe-inspiring. To know that I have that kind of discipline and control over my body. What an amazing vessel my soul lives in. What amazing legs and arms and feet I have. I crave those miles, now. I don't want to stop, ever!
God, am I nuts? I literally thought to myself "WHY AM I DOING THIS" every minute from miles 20 to 26.2, and yet all I can remember is the action of doing it. The completion. The kickassedness of the ACT.
Yes. Yes, I am nuts. But that's alright. By now, I own it. Own myself, own my body, own my mind, own my actions. I am strong, I am beautiful, I write kickass papers. I RUN kickass MARATHONS. I decide and I am red and I own myself, my body, and my mind.
I am far from done.